Hombres

Who hasn't pleasured themselves to underwear ads? The best are from Target, not Walmart. There's something so kinky about bland looking, middle class, American men, standing in a studio, smiling at the camera and wearing tighty-whiteys -- just a hint of a shape in their bulge.

"Hombres" by Joan Crisol is 81 pages of underwear, swimwear and athletic wear, modeled by absurdly chiseled European men in exotic, Spanish settings. It's men playing soccer half-naked, doing handstands on one arm, taming wild beasts and even looking deeply into each other's eyes. It's gunpowder and gasoline and all the most flammable ingredients you can think of, yet nothing seems to catch fire.

Imagine a muscular man soft, full lips, bronze skin, large round nipples and 3% body fat (at the most). His skin is glazed and shiny, but not with sweat. Even though the singlet he's modeling is skintight, his right hand is further stretching the material to emphasize his thick, veiny and perfectly erect cock.

That should be hot. Shouldn't it?

What about four lithe, ebullient frat boys, knotted in bed sheets, wrestling around in their underwear? How can one maintain his composure looking at this?

The photos are bright and full of sunlight and tropical setting. Very textural background (sometimes geometric, sometimes natural) offset the sharp, hard sinews of beyond perfect male bodies. You get a lot of firm, curved asses, but the penises are more suggested at than exposed. Clearly shot with wide-angle lenses, the focus is crisp and the depth of field is enormous.

Though dicks are covered, there's very little mystery and even less desire in these pictures. It's too perfect. Since nothing is out of place, and the models are definitely not of this world, no one seems vulnerable or human enough to actually be turned on -- even if they are sporting a hard on.

And if they aren't interested enough to be turned on, why should you be?

You can see many of the shots, as ads, on the website: www.escollection.es